Eksamen i medisin

Hentet fra faktiske besvarelser på eksamen i medisin påuniversiter i USA.

Ikke rart amerikanske leger saksøkes over en lav sko…

  • “When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire.”
  • “Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.”
  • “Blood flows down one leg and up the other.”
  • “Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.”
  • “The body consists of three parts- the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five – a, e, i, o, and u.”
  • “The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.”
  • “The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have ben taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.”
  • “A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors.”
  • “Many women belive that an alcoholic binge will have no ill effects on the unborn fetus, but that is a large misconception.”
  • “Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.”
  • “To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.”
  • “For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops.”
  • “For drowning: Climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artifical perspiration.”
  • “For fainting: Rub the person’s chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor.”
  • “For dog bite: put the dog away for sevral days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.”
  • “For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.”
  • “To prevent contraception: wear a condominium.”
  • “For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.”